THE CHILD IN ME REFUSES TO DIE

I still like watching cartoon movies and would probably laugh like a child when Jerry beats Tom.  I still admire the black & white movies of `Charlie Chaplain’. I do aspire to watch movies lying on the sofa.  I still fight for the remote control with my children.  I still like playing games on the computer.  I still like the moon and try counting the stars in the sky…

The child in me refuses to die.

Why do I kill the child within me when it makes me feel comfortable and gives me a sense of my own self?  There is a comfort level that I enjoy being a child when I am alone.  There are times that I don’t want to get into the intricacies of being mature.

My school in Delhi was very near to my house.  Whenever I passed through my school, mere aura of the school building always excited me and reminded me of my school days. Every things from bunking classes to watching cricket matches to eating lunch of my friends to emoting teachers when she pretended to be outsmarting us; every thing as if  comes to real.

Those small tiny little incidents are as fresh as morning sunlight.  They might look so different from today but they always carried an exceptional sentimental and emotional value during those days.

One day I decided to take my daughter to my school.  We chose a Saturday.  She smiled as I entered into the school building, like an obedient student. I suddenly found myself explaining her each and every thing, right from canteen to recreation room to music room, to doctor’s room and the most important the Principal’s room. Suddenly my voice went low while passing through the Principal’s room. Even today, there is a scare while passing through that door.

Once I entered the school, I was searching for my last class and was trying to find my chair and my desk, as if nothing would have changed in so many years.

How wonderful those days were..

My daughter wanted to meet some of my teachers.  I could fortunately find some old teachers and with a little bit of recall on some incidents, they could recollect me. I could notice some droplets of tears, as there was some one who had come to meet them after so many years.  We often forget our teachers, who were actually responsible for what we are today.  We tend to forget the past when we see our future being pleasant.

I touched their feet like an obedient student and asked for their blessings.

My daughter kept listening to our entire conversation.  She did not question me, probably; the past had some incidents which reminded her of her present.

Everyone has a child living in you but we only try discarding it for being mature and responsible.  The mind does relate to the present but the heart still enjoys the memories of the past.

The child in you makes you an honest person, who is emotional, gets worried, afraid of deceiving anyone, talking wrong, scared of god and still gives you a space to enjoy life in this busy mechanical world.  Actually, the child in you makes you feel lighter and also softer. The child in you makes it easy to relate to your own self.  The child like excitement of doing things with utmost effort and perfection still makes you feel good and satisfied.

Ever noticed yourself giving examples of your own or your grownup brother or sister to your children while explaining certain things or about how similar tasks were carried out?  We very conveniently relate our past with the present of our children.  This happens when our children repeat or do exactly the same thing that we did in our childhood.  These small acts make you travel to your childhood.

I still play indoor games with my children and the fight is to the finish.  In the games, there is no father children relation, its opponent that’s it.

The child like nature of mine has made communication with my children easy.  Getting involved with them relaxes me and makes me extremely happy.

Office has its own compulsions.  One uses brain more than the heart. You talk about the policies, strategies, egos, action plans, targets etc. There are meetings and business plans. You actually keep your heart at home and come to office.  You suddenly grow up once you enter your office building.

I believe the life is like a round circle. A child is borne, grows up, becomes an adult, then an age of responsibility and finally the old age, which brings back the circle where it started. Perhaps it is the time to go back to the child age.  Perhaps it is the time for rebirth.

In office, some times you are reminded of your child like nature. Perhaps some people are ignorant of the facts of office responsibilities the person performs or perhaps they are ignorant of facts what happiness one gets of being a child sometimes.

There are some who have grown over their age; perhaps they never realize they were a child once.

But, here I am proud to keep the memories of my childhood and the child in me refuses to die.