THE CHILD IN ME REFUSES TO DIE

I still like watching cartoon movies and would probably laugh like a child when Jerry beats Tom.  I still admire the black & white movies of `Charlie Chaplain’. I do aspire to watch movies lying on the sofa.  I still fight for the remote control with my children.  I still like playing games on the computer.  I still like the moon and try counting the stars in the sky…

The child in me refuses to die.

Why do I kill the child within me when it makes me feel comfortable and gives me a sense of my own self?  There is a comfort level that I enjoy being a child when I am alone.  There are times that I don’t want to get into the intricacies of being mature.

My school in Delhi was very near to my house.  Whenever I passed through my school, mere aura of the school building always excited me and reminded me of my school days. Every things from bunking classes to watching cricket matches to eating lunch of my friends to emoting teachers when she pretended to be outsmarting us; every thing as if  comes to real.

Those small tiny little incidents are as fresh as morning sunlight.  They might look so different from today but they always carried an exceptional sentimental and emotional value during those days.

One day I decided to take my daughter to my school.  We chose a Saturday.  She smiled as I entered into the school building, like an obedient student. I suddenly found myself explaining her each and every thing, right from canteen to recreation room to music room, to doctor’s room and the most important the Principal’s room. Suddenly my voice went low while passing through the Principal’s room. Even today, there is a scare while passing through that door.

Once I entered the school, I was searching for my last class and was trying to find my chair and my desk, as if nothing would have changed in so many years.

How wonderful those days were..

My daughter wanted to meet some of my teachers.  I could fortunately find some old teachers and with a little bit of recall on some incidents, they could recollect me. I could notice some droplets of tears, as there was some one who had come to meet them after so many years.  We often forget our teachers, who were actually responsible for what we are today.  We tend to forget the past when we see our future being pleasant.

I touched their feet like an obedient student and asked for their blessings.

My daughter kept listening to our entire conversation.  She did not question me, probably; the past had some incidents which reminded her of her present.

Everyone has a child living in you but we only try discarding it for being mature and responsible.  The mind does relate to the present but the heart still enjoys the memories of the past.

The child in you makes you an honest person, who is emotional, gets worried, afraid of deceiving anyone, talking wrong, scared of god and still gives you a space to enjoy life in this busy mechanical world.  Actually, the child in you makes you feel lighter and also softer. The child in you makes it easy to relate to your own self.  The child like excitement of doing things with utmost effort and perfection still makes you feel good and satisfied.

Ever noticed yourself giving examples of your own or your grownup brother or sister to your children while explaining certain things or about how similar tasks were carried out?  We very conveniently relate our past with the present of our children.  This happens when our children repeat or do exactly the same thing that we did in our childhood.  These small acts make you travel to your childhood.

I still play indoor games with my children and the fight is to the finish.  In the games, there is no father children relation, its opponent that’s it.

The child like nature of mine has made communication with my children easy.  Getting involved with them relaxes me and makes me extremely happy.

Office has its own compulsions.  One uses brain more than the heart. You talk about the policies, strategies, egos, action plans, targets etc. There are meetings and business plans. You actually keep your heart at home and come to office.  You suddenly grow up once you enter your office building.

I believe the life is like a round circle. A child is borne, grows up, becomes an adult, then an age of responsibility and finally the old age, which brings back the circle where it started. Perhaps it is the time to go back to the child age.  Perhaps it is the time for rebirth.

In office, some times you are reminded of your child like nature. Perhaps some people are ignorant of the facts of office responsibilities the person performs or perhaps they are ignorant of facts what happiness one gets of being a child sometimes.

There are some who have grown over their age; perhaps they never realize they were a child once.

But, here I am proud to keep the memories of my childhood and the child in me refuses to die.

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE

Spare a moment for your own self and think. Most of our time, energy, mind & heart goes in thinking what people think about us. Adjusting with the thought process of people.  We tend to do what they want or like us to do.  Dependency of our thoughts on such people makes us emotionally dependent on them. 

We the `puppets’ and they the ‘puppeteers’.

I was travelling from New Delhi to Bangalore in Karnataka Express.  The journey involved two nights in the train.  Bangalore is also famous for engineering colleges. I saw a group of five-six students preparing for an interview for the Bangalore Engineering College.  The students were pulling legs, nothing new, of one of their friend, who happened to be a little extra tall. `Listen you do not stand straight, bend little bit in the interview, otherwise the jury members won’t be able to look into your eyes’, said one of the student.  After a while, this boy got so bugged that he got up and went towards the gate of the boggy.  All the friends enjoyed his irritation.

When you have no work, you have time to advice.  I could not resist and went looking for this boy.  Initially I was unable to find him.  Of course I even peeped outside door of the boggy for the unexpected.  Suddenly, I could see this boy standing in front of the washbasin mirror and judging his height. Indeed this boy had taken the comments of his friends quite seriously.  He accepted what they said and that was the reason he was abiding by their thoughts. We generally do this !!!

Not having confidence in our own-self, we end up taking a whole lot of advice from people.  Some are constructive some are not. Why do we do this ?

I could not resist myself and initiated a casual conversation with him. I asked him `I want to jump out of the door of this fast moving train, can you accompany me?’.  He looked at me with disgusting eyes, as if I had lost my mind.  I asked him another thing, `I want to stand upside down but I want you to accompany me?’ His looks conveyed me everything what he thought of me.  I finally concluded, `if your friends have a problem, it is their problem, not yours, so be cool and happy about what god has gifted you’. I think, he understood what I meant.

There is another incident.  I remember a girl who worked with me.  She would always do what her boss said, who was happened to be a female.  Good or bad, she would never give herself any other option but to concede to the boss’s orders. Any one could notice the much evident change of expressions on her face, which were of course completely dependent on her boss mood.  I had never seen her having lunch when her boss either skipped or had a fast.

This change of temperament and personality as per the change in your boss or some one you care about most is called “PERSONALITY DOMINANCE”.

When in PERSONALITY DOMINANCE you tend to behave exactly like the influencer. On one hand the person who brought you under his personality dominance enjoys unconditional and devotional stature; on the other hand your entire personality gets trapped in the web of his fluctuating personality.

You may describe this as nothing but a true guru and shishya parampara.

One day this female disciple came late and the boss was fuming at the top of her voice and gave her a piece of her actual mind.  Reason, this young lady, to her utter honesty, carried the keys of the drawer of her boss’s table, which the boss had left open the day before.  The young lady was scolded so badly that forget about the guru dakshina, she lost all the respect for her, the very same moment.  This time the boss was wrong, and it was proved beyond doubt.

She narrated the incident and confronted, `how can she scold me when she herself comes late every day.  I locked the drawer and carried the keys so that her things remain intact.  What the hell she thinks of herself.  She is nothing if I leave her.  I have done everything for her’. I could feel, the hurt was immense. She went on and on.  Finally she announced, she wanted to leave the job.   She submitted her resignation to her boss.  The boss did not react; perhaps she had concluded that it was an opportunity to hire a fresh talent.  The entire guru and shishya parampara had collapsed. 

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE actually kills thinking ability.  It kills your innersole and self-respect.  You actually end up messing-up your own life with such people.

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE - how do you get rid of such emotional dominance? 

Think of the state of your mind.  You have this one person, who is a god to you. Your mentor, your only friend and your soul mate.  You do what this person desires you to do. You are actually emotionally trapped.

A personality dominates your emotions, which prominently includes your mind, and palpitates your heart.

Let us understand this with the size of your brain.  Let us presume your brain has 100 chambers.  When your entire concentration is on ONE person, you are actually left with not many options and you tend to get fully exposed to this person.

To get out of this dominance, divert your mind and interact with another similar person.  Now you have TWO persons and your interaction starts getting divided.  As you start sharing your thoughts with this new person, you actually start hiding thoughts with the first person.  As the time moves, this new person who occupied just a little space now starts increasing its presence in your mind.  Let us presume at one time he occupies about 50% space.  The ratio now is 50:50.  Also meaning that at any given point of time, none of these two people know more than 50% of your inner-self.  Important is to know that you now are exposed 100% to none.   

Gradually, as now you do not have much pressure from either of them, and you have regained your self-confidence, you would not find conversing with people in general. Lets us bring a THIRD person into conversation with you now. Your entire conversation now stands divided into three individuals – at one time 100% exposure now stands just 33%.  It also means that any given point of time there would 66% information safe and confided in you.  Isn’t this amazing?

Now, do you remember the FIRST person who dominated you?  The PERSONALITY DOMINANCE of this person would have vanished by now.

It is often seen that people who have many acquaintances are quite deep in their mind and heart.  It is not easy to understand them.  You can call them introvert though they may be extrovert. 

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE does not apply on two individuals who are close friends, who take up the cause together and grow together.  These friends are rare species and very difficult to find, but do exist.  Two people eating together or for that matter sleeping together may not be friends, may be just acquaintances.

True friends are like two-way communication, where there is no dominance, and no personality egos.  If they are true friends, then they do not come under the category of PERSONALITY DOMINANCE.

If they do, they are not true-friends.. !!!!!

(From the extracts of book `Me Within Myself’ )

SHIFTING OF ZEROS

IT was an unusual day in the office.  By the evening the entire office had collected in the main hall to bid farewell to the departing Managing Director of the company, Mr. Chatterjee.  The officials had brought bouquets, gifts - ranging from wall clock to bronze Ganeshas, to present their gratitude towards him.  It looked a very quite tearful farewell party.  My heart sank too.  Mr. Chatterjee was leaving the organization after about 4 years of service as Managing Director of the company for a prestigious international assignment.

Suddenly my eyes stopped.  I saw my collogue, Mr. Damodhar, searching for an opportunity to touch the feets of Mr. Chatterjee.  As soon as he got the golden opportunity, like a devoted disciple, he completely bent his body and touched his feet.

Mr. Damodhar was crying inconsolably.  Mr. Chatterjee had no option but to lift him up and hug him.  What a union of two intimate souls !!!! But…. is Mr. Damodhar not the same person who gave a similar performance in front of earlier Managing Director, Mr. Sharma.  His dedication had the same depth and loyalty.  Yes, definitely, he is indeed the same Mr. Damodhar...

You name them what ever, but I call these people as SHIFTING ZEROS.  People who have no self respect, no self belief, who are opportunists, who are pretenders and who are real sycophants.  In nut-shell, people who are hypocrites.  To be more harsh, a breed of total opportunists people… the ZEROS..

This happens in almost all fields.  It be government offices, PSUs, private sector, schools, colleges or politics; nothing has escaped this net.  But what often comes in news is only the “Political Zeros”.

 

Let us try to understand these Zeros or shifting of Zeros..

The Zeros are Zeros and have no value of their own.  The ultimate round figure, which revolves around the sun i.e. their boss.  Their identity develops at the time they get attached to “ONE - 1” the “LEADER”.  When these Zeros are on the right side they enhance the value of “1”, i.e. the Leader – 1-00000.  The Leader enjoys the enhanced support and newly found status, the power, which is because of the `right’ support of these `Zeros’, who are like followers. 

The more the Zeros the more powerful is the Leader.

The problem occurs when these non-valued, non-performers, non-vibrant, non-committed, non-sincere, non-dedicated big Zeros shift their stand from `Right’ to `Left’.  They now not only completely demolish their own identity, of being exposed, but also try devalue the Leader.  The Leader again comes back to single status `1’.

One thing that does not change is the real value of the Leader, `1’, the individual value.  The Leader is still present and you cannot ignore and further devalue `1’.

The time passes.  The Zeros, quite known for their habit shift again, making a Leader powerful again.  The history repeats.

This reminds me of one incident.  I have seen many people sitting in the canteen pledging their loyalties to their bosses.  Each one has a reason to justify and believe in other.  One day one such boss simply issued a circular asking these Zeros to come on time.  One simple 4 line circular was enough to change the loyalties of these Zeros.  They did see the alarm clock in the office clicking 9.30 AM not before their loyalties shifting drastically.  The most admired boss became the most hated one.

But as you say, some one’s loss is some one’s gain.. The loyalties of these Zeros shifted to the boss of this boss and he became a new Leader, only as he himself never issued this circular.

You would quite see this in academic institutions as well. The professors lobbying with the students to bring down another professor or increase their popularity TRP.  Once the professor refuses to give some quality time to these students, their stand shifts to another professor.

The points is, can we deal with these Zeros ?  Can we actually pin them down ?  The reply is NO.  Their roots are too deep, I am mean till top.  You can only touch the branches and by just cutting the branches you actually conclude nothing.

The only way probably to control these Zeros is to divide them with their own numbers.  You may get a single Zero.  But my only worry is that in the entire process we may not end up creating a Leader out of these Zeros.

The irony of the matter is that “1” – the Leader needs Zeros more than the Zeros need `1’ – the Leader. 

There seems to be no end.....

(From the extracts of book `Me Within Myself’ )