PERSONALITY DOMINANCE

Spare a moment for your own self and think. Most of our time, energy, mind & heart goes in thinking what people think about us. Adjusting with the thought process of people.  We tend to do what they want or like us to do.  Dependency of our thoughts on such people makes us emotionally dependent on them. 

We the `puppets’ and they the ‘puppeteers’.

I was travelling from New Delhi to Bangalore in Karnataka Express.  The journey involved two nights in the train.  Bangalore is also famous for engineering colleges. I saw a group of five-six students preparing for an interview for the Bangalore Engineering College.  The students were pulling legs, nothing new, of one of their friend, who happened to be a little extra tall. `Listen you do not stand straight, bend little bit in the interview, otherwise the jury members won’t be able to look into your eyes’, said one of the student.  After a while, this boy got so bugged that he got up and went towards the gate of the boggy.  All the friends enjoyed his irritation.

When you have no work, you have time to advice.  I could not resist and went looking for this boy.  Initially I was unable to find him.  Of course I even peeped outside door of the boggy for the unexpected.  Suddenly, I could see this boy standing in front of the washbasin mirror and judging his height. Indeed this boy had taken the comments of his friends quite seriously.  He accepted what they said and that was the reason he was abiding by their thoughts. We generally do this !!!

Not having confidence in our own-self, we end up taking a whole lot of advice from people.  Some are constructive some are not. Why do we do this ?

I could not resist myself and initiated a casual conversation with him. I asked him `I want to jump out of the door of this fast moving train, can you accompany me?’.  He looked at me with disgusting eyes, as if I had lost my mind.  I asked him another thing, `I want to stand upside down but I want you to accompany me?’ His looks conveyed me everything what he thought of me.  I finally concluded, `if your friends have a problem, it is their problem, not yours, so be cool and happy about what god has gifted you’. I think, he understood what I meant.

There is another incident.  I remember a girl who worked with me.  She would always do what her boss said, who was happened to be a female.  Good or bad, she would never give herself any other option but to concede to the boss’s orders. Any one could notice the much evident change of expressions on her face, which were of course completely dependent on her boss mood.  I had never seen her having lunch when her boss either skipped or had a fast.

This change of temperament and personality as per the change in your boss or some one you care about most is called “PERSONALITY DOMINANCE”.

When in PERSONALITY DOMINANCE you tend to behave exactly like the influencer. On one hand the person who brought you under his personality dominance enjoys unconditional and devotional stature; on the other hand your entire personality gets trapped in the web of his fluctuating personality.

You may describe this as nothing but a true guru and shishya parampara.

One day this female disciple came late and the boss was fuming at the top of her voice and gave her a piece of her actual mind.  Reason, this young lady, to her utter honesty, carried the keys of the drawer of her boss’s table, which the boss had left open the day before.  The young lady was scolded so badly that forget about the guru dakshina, she lost all the respect for her, the very same moment.  This time the boss was wrong, and it was proved beyond doubt.

She narrated the incident and confronted, `how can she scold me when she herself comes late every day.  I locked the drawer and carried the keys so that her things remain intact.  What the hell she thinks of herself.  She is nothing if I leave her.  I have done everything for her’. I could feel, the hurt was immense. She went on and on.  Finally she announced, she wanted to leave the job.   She submitted her resignation to her boss.  The boss did not react; perhaps she had concluded that it was an opportunity to hire a fresh talent.  The entire guru and shishya parampara had collapsed. 

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE actually kills thinking ability.  It kills your innersole and self-respect.  You actually end up messing-up your own life with such people.

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE - how do you get rid of such emotional dominance? 

Think of the state of your mind.  You have this one person, who is a god to you. Your mentor, your only friend and your soul mate.  You do what this person desires you to do. You are actually emotionally trapped.

A personality dominates your emotions, which prominently includes your mind, and palpitates your heart.

Let us understand this with the size of your brain.  Let us presume your brain has 100 chambers.  When your entire concentration is on ONE person, you are actually left with not many options and you tend to get fully exposed to this person.

To get out of this dominance, divert your mind and interact with another similar person.  Now you have TWO persons and your interaction starts getting divided.  As you start sharing your thoughts with this new person, you actually start hiding thoughts with the first person.  As the time moves, this new person who occupied just a little space now starts increasing its presence in your mind.  Let us presume at one time he occupies about 50% space.  The ratio now is 50:50.  Also meaning that at any given point of time, none of these two people know more than 50% of your inner-self.  Important is to know that you now are exposed 100% to none.   

Gradually, as now you do not have much pressure from either of them, and you have regained your self-confidence, you would not find conversing with people in general. Lets us bring a THIRD person into conversation with you now. Your entire conversation now stands divided into three individuals – at one time 100% exposure now stands just 33%.  It also means that any given point of time there would 66% information safe and confided in you.  Isn’t this amazing?

Now, do you remember the FIRST person who dominated you?  The PERSONALITY DOMINANCE of this person would have vanished by now.

It is often seen that people who have many acquaintances are quite deep in their mind and heart.  It is not easy to understand them.  You can call them introvert though they may be extrovert. 

PERSONALITY DOMINANCE does not apply on two individuals who are close friends, who take up the cause together and grow together.  These friends are rare species and very difficult to find, but do exist.  Two people eating together or for that matter sleeping together may not be friends, may be just acquaintances.

True friends are like two-way communication, where there is no dominance, and no personality egos.  If they are true friends, then they do not come under the category of PERSONALITY DOMINANCE.

If they do, they are not true-friends.. !!!!!

(From the extracts of book `Me Within Myself’ )